Nigerian singer Tems has opened up about a past toxic relationship, describing it as one marked by obsession, possessiveness, and emotional control, in a candid interview with media host Angie Martinez. The 30-year-old Grammy-nominated artist, known for her hit song “Essence,” revealed that she once mistook this controlling dynamic for love, only to later realize it was rooted in dominance rather than mutual respect. Speaking honestly about her experience, Tems emphasized that true love should never involve ownership or attempts to control another person.
She explained that the relationship did not align with her personal understanding of love, which she believes must be built on equality, partnership, and emotional freedom. Tems shared that the person she was involved with believed they had the right to “own” her, a mindset she now recognizes as fundamentally unhealthy. “I have experienced love where I thought it was love but it was more like when someone is trying to own you,” she said, highlighting how such relationships can be emotionally draining and misleading.
According to Tems, many people fall into toxic love without even realizing it, especially when their partner claims to love them while exhibiting controlling behaviors. She pointed out that obsession and possession are not love, and that genuine affection should foster unity, not domination. “Love is not obsession. And it is not possession. I can’t own another human being,” she stated clearly. Instead, she believes love is about becoming “one person” through mutual respect and shared growth.
Tems also noted that toxic partners often don’t recognize their own harmful behavior, making it even harder for victims to break free. “They say they love you but they don’t know that they don’t even love you,” she said, adding that you cannot truly love someone you feel you own. Her reflections offer a powerful reminder to listeners about the importance of self-awareness and healthy boundaries in romantic relationships.
As a public figure with a growing global influence, Tems’ words carry weight, especially among young Nigerians navigating love and relationships. Her openness about past struggles adds depth to her artistry and strengthens her position as a voice for emotional authenticity. The conversation underscores the need for more awareness around emotional health and relationship dynamics in Nigerian society.
Tems’ journey from confusion to clarity may inspire others to reflect on their own relationships and seek connections built on respect and equality. Her story serves as both a warning and a guide for those who may be caught in similar patterns. As she continues to grow as an artist and advocate, her message on love and self-worth remains a timely and impactful contribution to the national conversation on mental health and relationships.
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